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Tim Minchin
ten foot cock & a few hundred virgins
So youâ??re gonna live in paradiseWith a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So youâ??re gonna live in paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So youâ??re gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO
And when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation
Your gonna be the first to know
So if
God was there from the very beginning
He invented men and women
Then He also invented wanking
Then He said wanking was sinning
So now if Iâ??m feeling randy
Iâ??m not allowed a hand shandy
But having sex with my family
That is just fucking great
Itâ??s all there in Ezekiel 8
Just before he opens up His big pearly gates
And says that itâ??s a sin
To take it up the date
Even if itâ??s great
Even with your mate
So youâ??re gonna live in paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So youâ??re gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at the greener grass
And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgement
Heâ??s gonna kick my heathen ass
So if you
Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning
Because black is so slimming
Though itâ??s not great for swimming
But it gives you an erection
With the increased sexual tension
What with the UV protection
That is second to none
Youâ??ll find it all in the Koran
Just next to the bit that justifies guns
And says that itâ??s a sin
To take it up the bum
Even if itâ??s fun
Even with permission from your mum
So youâ??re gonna live in paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So youâ??re gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at eternity
And when the Lord comes down and I havenâ??t done my penance
Heâ??s gonna disembowel me
You say that
If I
Stumbled on a watch Iâ??d assume it hade a watchmaker
That a muffin presupposes a baker
So we must agree sooner or later
This proves thereâ??s a creator
So if I put your foot in a stinker
Youâ??d assume the existence of a sphincter
Thus you donâ??t need to be a great thinker
To conclude that Godâ??s a bum
Which negates the words of Genesis 1
Which make him out to be so much fun
Until Adam succumbed
To temptation
And then his only son
Got nailed to a gum
Or the Middle East equivalent
Which suggest that Godâ??s omniscience
Is nullified by his ambivalence
Unless it turns out that heâ??s impotent
And if God canâ??t get a boner
I guess that explains the plethora
Of huge erections in His honour
Cos we all know a steeple is just a subconscious, compensatory manifestation of a huge, stiff penis
And still He tell us that itâ??s heinous
To stick a penis up your anus
Even if youâ??re famous
Even if you like tennis
So youâ??re gonna live in paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So youâ??re gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO
And when the Lord comes down with his big, stiff, slimy rod of judgement
Iâ??m gonna be the first to go
Heâ??s gonna send me down below
Heâ??s gonna whip me like a ho
Dâ??ya really think so?
Iâ??m gonna be the first to go