chip on your shoulder

Legally Blonde The Musical

EMMETT
(spoken) Whoa, Elle? What's up, Doc?

ELLE
Love

EMMETT
(spoken) Excuse me?

ELLE
I put my faith in love
I followed where it led

EMMETT
(spoken) Love led you here?

ELLE
To my personal circle of Hell
It has not worked out well
I wish that I were dead

Cause instead of a wedding in love
I'm flunking out of school
A total laughing stock
Someone he and his friends could just mock
So go on, here's my head
Just hand over the rock!

EMMETT
(spoken) Wait, go back!

(sung) You came out here to follow a man
Harvard law was just part of that plan
Man, what rich romantic planet are you from?

ELLE
(spoken) Malibu?

EMMETT
Instead of lying outside by the pool
You stalk some guy to an ivy league school?
That's the weirdest reason I have--

ELLE
(spoken) Oh, why'd you come?

EMMETT
(spoken) Okay

(sung) I grew up in the Roxbury slums
With my mom and a series of bums
Guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail

I got through law school by busting my ass
Worked two jobs in addition to class
So forgive me for not weeping at your tale

ELLE
(spoken) Well excuse me,
just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder . . .

EMMETT
(spoken) You know what? You're right.

(sung) There's a chip on my shoulder
And it's big as a boulder
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell

I'm so close I can taste it
So I'm not gonna waste it
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder
You might wanna get one as well

ELLE
(spoken) I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative. Wait!
Two jobs PLUS law school?! How do you do it?

EMMETT
Well, I don't go to parties a lot
Not good use of the time that I've got
Can't spend hours doing my hair and staying in shape

ELLE
(spoken) I don't spend hours!

EMMETT
But I know it'll all be worthwhile
When I win my first lucrative trial
And buy my mom that great big house out on the cape!

ELLE
(spoken) Oh, that's so sweet!

EMMETT
No! That's the chip on my shoulder
I hugged my mom and told her
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell

Though I can't take the day off
I just think of the payoff
You need a chip on your shoulder
Little Miss Woods comma Elle

ELLE
(spoken) I just need to prove to everyone that I'm serious!

EMMETT
(spoken) What you need is to get to work! Where are your law books?

ELLE
(spoken) Ummm . . . Well, I know they're here somewhere . . .

EMMETT
Ya know, this vanity's real picturesque
But it started its life as a desk
Clear it off, and find some room for books instead

ELLE
(spoken) What are you doing?!

EMMETT
Can you live without this?
Can you live without that?
I don't know what this is

ELLE
(spoken) It's for hair!

EMMETT
Wear a hat!
Spend some time improving what's inside your head!

Out, out, put it in storage, sell it on eBay, leave it behind
Out, out, what, are you angry?
Good, so get angry! You may find
The chip on your shoulder

ELLE
(spoken) ARGH!

EMMETT
The room just got colder

ELLE
(spoken) Hey!

EMMETT
But with the chance you've been given
Why are you not driven as hell?!
There's just no way around it
You gotta plow through til you've

ELLE
(spoken) Found it!

EMMETT
Been reading it hard, I can tell . . .

GIRLS
Tis a gift to be simple
Tis a gift to be free
Hmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm

ELLE
(spoken) Bye, Warner! Have a great Thanksgiving!
Say hi to your mom and dad for me! And Grandma Bootsie!

EMMETT
(spoken) Define malum prohibitum.

ELLE
(spoken) Malum prohibitum is, ummm . . .

EMMETT
(spoken) An act prohibited--

ELLE
(spoken) An act prohibited by law like jaywalking or chewing gum in Singapore.

EMMETT
(spoken) Therefore malum ensae?

ELLE
(spoken) Is an action. That is evil in itself.
Assualt, murder, white shoes after labor day.

EMMETT
(spoken) Good. Where are you going?

ELLE
(spoken) Home, of course! It's Thanksgiving break, remember?

EMMETT
(spoken) Interesting.

ELLE
(spoken) What?

EMMETT
Well, I predict you will probably pass

ELLE
(spoken) Yes!

EMMETT
In the bottom percent of your class

ELLE
(spoken) What?

EMMETT
If you're going for mediocre, you've done great!

ELLE
(spoken) That's not fair!

EMMETT
Look, they laughed at me like they're laughing at you
We can't win if we don't follow through!
Might I venture your vacation plans can wait?

ELLE
(spoken) Why do you always have to be right?

GIRLS
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria! (Latin chanting)

ELLE
(spoken) Bye, Warner! Merry Christmas! Enjoy Bayo!

EMMETT
(spoken) Ho-ho-ho!

ELLE
(spoken) Emmett!

EMMETT
(spoken) For you! Not as good as going home for Christmas, but . . .

ELLE
(spoken) You are too sweet.

EMMETT
(spoken) It's a real time saver. Shampoo and conditioner in one!

ELLE
(spoken) Ah! (giggles) Thank you. You are so adorable to think of me.

WARNER
(spoken) Elle, hey!

ELLE
(spoken) Warner!

WARNER
(spoken) Have you seen Vivienne? I've been looking for her everywhere!

ELLE
(spoken) Yeah . . . I-I mean no.

WARNER
(spoken) Great! We're gonna miss our flight!

EMMETT
(spoken)Um, Elle?

(sung)I don't know if you've noticed before
But each time Warner walks in the door
Your IQ goes down to 40, maybe less

ELLE
(spoken) Huh?

EMMETT
Though it's hardly my business to say
Could it be the real thing in your way
Is the very guy you're trying to impress

ELLE
Yes! I've been smiling and sweet and thoroughly beaten blowing my chance
Let's not chase him away
Let's face him and say
"Hey punk, let's dance!"

This chip on my shoulder
Makes me smarter and bolder
No more whining or blaming
I am reclaiming my pride

Grab that book and let's do this
Instead of doodling hearts all through this
Now there's a chip on my shoulder!
Let's see him knock it aside!

GIRLS
Ah-ah-ah-ah Daughter of Delta Nu
Show him that you're no fool
Daughter of Delta Nu
Go back to school with a big chip on your shoulder!

WARNER
(spoken) Mr. Ladimer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation.
Without his sperm, the child in question wouldn't exist!

CALLAHAN
(spoken) Now you're thinking like a lawyer!
Yes, Miss Woods.

ELLE
(spoken) Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point,
but did the defendant keep a log of every sperm emission made throughout his life?

CALLAHAN
(spoken) Interesting. Why do you ask?

ELLE
(spoken) Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every sexual encounter
to find out if a child resulted from those unions,
he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever.
Why now? Why this sperm?

CALLAHAN
(spoken) I see your point.

ELLE
(spoken) And by Mr. Huntington's standards,
all masturbatory emissions where the sperm was clearly not seeking an egg would
be called reckless abandonment.

CALLAHAN
(spoken) Miss Woods, you just won your case.

ELLE
Ohmigod . . .

GIRLS
Wait, hold on, we just won the case!

ELLE
Omigod . . .

GIRLS
Elle got all up in Warner's face

ELLE
Omigod . . .

GIRLS
I am starting to like this place! Yes! Omigod!

CALLAHAN
(spoken) Miss Woods, excellent work today.
I assume you're applying for my internship. Do you have a resume?

ELLE
(spoken) I am one step ahead of you.
Here you go, and thanks in advance for your consideration.

CALLAHAN
(spoken) Dear God, it's scented.
Three months ago, I would have recycled this. Make sure to put it on file.

EMMETT
Guess she got a chip on her shoulder
Maybe some wise man told her
With the chance we've been given
We gotta be driven as hell

She was something to see there
I'm just happy I could be there
First big test and she aced it
She's so close she can taste it

She got a chip on her shoulder
Guess you never can te-e-ell . . .
With little Miss Woods comma Elle!

GIRLS
Elle Woods
Woods comma Elle
Chip on her shoulder
Elle Woods
Woods comma Elle
Chip on her shoulder

EMMETT
No you never can tell

GIRLS
Elle Woods
Woods comma Elle
Chip on her shoulder

ALL
With little Miss Woods comma Elle