Playlist The Vandals

the vandals - 4,3,2,1,0,-1

Stop, pretending you're even having fun
You just stand there looking dumb
and bored with your thumb in your ass:
you're better than that.
For once in your life, before you retire
be the leader of the choir set your pubic hair
on fire just because,
you feel like it

[Chorus:]
Be that moron screaming in the crowd- HEY!
This shit could never be too loud for me
Help us help you armpit fart, cuz we're only getting started...
Dance and bleed, Karate chop and pray good times will never stop.
Oh boy is this great!
Don't hesitate rub your feces like an ape,
and finally celebrate- just because.
Finally talk to a girl, throw your dream journal in the urinal cuz with tap shoes and a girdle,
dreams really can come true:
you're living proof

[Chorus:]
Be that moron screaming in the crowd- HEY!
This shit could never be too loud for me
Help us help you armpit fart, cuz we're only getting started:
Yeah, we're only getting started...
Participate, it's the end of the wait, show up late, masturbate,
tell your date you're in shape- though you're not.
Take off your shirt, eat a fistful of dirt, and never learn get sunburn,
cuz it looks good on you.

[Chorus:]
Be that moron screaming in the crowd- HEY!
This shit could never be too loud for me
Help us help you armpit fart, cuz we're only getting started:
Yeah, we're only getting started...[x2]
Dance and bleed, Karate chop and pray good times will never stop.

the vandals - a gun for christmas

Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them
But this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection.

I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
If burgers touch my property they won't leave here with out a limp
Packing heat this Christmas I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve,
cuz bullets go in outer space when pointed up I believe

A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"

I will use my new weapon in self-defense and sport
and to keep the carolers off my god damn porch
and preventing Yuletide homicide's this year

I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"

Christmas needs security , security is weapons.
Vigilante action teaching criminals their lessons
It's the greatest gift we have taking out our rivals
Thank you Santa, thank you God
for guaranteeing my survival

A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"

I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my crap
or I'll bust a cap in your ass!!!"

the vandals - aging orange

I'm Palm Palm head
and I wrote one good song
But that was almost 20 years ago
I tried and I tried to follow it up
But you know how those sophomore jinxes go

So I became quite bitter
as sales dropped like flies
No one likes these dumb songs
of racing cars and spies

Maybe it's my ape drape
or hippies in my band
But now we only tour in Arizona
or Japan

So after much thought
and a panel of experts
I came up with a brilliant little plan
I'll take out my frustrations
on one of these ungrateful new punk rock bands

Cuz I invented socks
and I invented gravy
I made up the cotton gin
but no one ever paid me

Why beat a dead horse
with a career that is cursed?
I'll just sue for royalties
on things I thought of first

Back in Ancient Egypt
many Pharaohs went to jail
for misappropriation
of my Phrigian scale

I said listen to Tutankhamen
you're driving me insane
it's obvious those bellies
are all dancing to Bloodstains

I figured out you owe me
and please try not to laugh
but every time I hear it
I get one more golden calf

So I've bitten off
a sizable chunk
of the hands of the people
with the food

Now I'm confined to the pages of Flipside
a graveyard of punk rock's 35 year old dudes

Cuz I invented socks
and I invented gravy
I made up the cotton gin
but no one ever paid me

Why beat a dead horse
with a career that is cursed?
I'll just sue for royalties
on things I thought of first

Palm Palm!
Palm Palm!
Palm Palm!
Ape Drape!
Ape Drape!
Poodle Head!
Poodle Head!

the vandals - airstream

driving in our airstream
we're a band on the road
with equipment, roadies, a manager
we've got a heavy load

airstream! airstream! airstream!
get out of my lane!
airstream! airstream! airstream!

on our way to your town
cause you've never seen us play
with our airstream's aerodynamic design
we should be there any day

airstream! airstream! airstream!
get out of my lane!
airstream! airstream! airstream!

airstream is so shinny
and it's made out of aluminum
you can't tell if it's a '64
or an '81

I know that it's American made
So my chest just swells with pride
Then I grab that stainless steel handle
And I pull myself inside

double insulation
diamond tuck n roll
toilet, shower, refrigerator
we're completely self contained

airstream! airstream! airstream!
get out of my lane!
airstream! airstream! airstream!

airstream is so beautiful
we can hardly keep the foxes out
when we round that final corner
we can hear them shout
airstream!

the vandals - allah

Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!
I studied carefully,
and I do believe
the best of heavens is to except is Islam

I hope that book is right
they promise paradise
I'm going for the bonus
of a martyr's reward

And when I fight
I know he makes me strong
And when I die
I know I can't be wrong

I know my only chance is
Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!

The prophet has summoned us to attack
He said we must in his defense
against those who don't believe

The last day grows near
my belief takes away the fear
I made the right choice
My God's the only God

And when I fight
I know he makes me strong
And when I die
I know I can't be wrong

I know my only chance is
Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!

When the infant girl buried alive
is asked for which crime she is slain
When the records of men's deeds
are laid open and heaven is stripped bare
When hell burns fiercely and paradise is brought here
then each soul will know what it has done

It's time to party with
Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!

the vandals - an idea for a movie

Put a happy ending there and it'll write itself, I swear
All we need are some meetings and a lead
I got an idea for a movie,
It's about this guy
Who wished and wished 'til it came true,
And now this kid can fly
I got an idea for a movie, and here's my pitch
I get a job and quit my band,
And you stop being a bitch
And we will have adventures,
Like the boy and his bottle did
Is it too soon to whisper Oscar?
Put a happy ending there and it'll write itself, I swear
All we need are some meetings and a lead
With a happy ending there this thing will write itself, I swear
All we need is some trick photography
I forgot one thing about the guy
Who gained the ability to fly
It was actually only for a foot or two
And only an inch or so high.

the vandals - anarchy burger

Anarchy burger
Hold the government

Anarchy, go ape shit
Let them know your sick of it
Write your congressman,
Tell him he sucks, your only in it for the bucks

Anarchy burger
Hold the government
Anarchy burger
Hold the government

You're all potential anarchy burgers
If you want to be free
Order yourself an anarchy burger
(hold the government, please)

Anarchy burger
Hold the government

America stands for freedom
But if you think you're free
Try walking into a deli
And urinating on the cheese

Anarchy burger
Hold the government
Anarchy burger
Hold the government

Say fuck in front of your mom
Fuck!
And
Go to school naked

the vandals - and now we dance

And squeeze until
It's on it's knees
And now we dance
Like soldiers
On the battlefield
The only triumph
In a moment of glory
Crack your head open
And sue somebody
Cop a feel on
A punk rock girl
In bondage pants
And Now We Dance
You are just a speck
In a universe of turds
Silenced by conspirators,
Not another word.
With ozone trees depleted,
You choke on malathion.
Nothing fucking matters,
So what's the use in tryin'?
And now we dance
Like warriors
On the victory trail
Only triumph
In a moment of glory
Crack your head open
And sue somebody
Come on and do push ups
Just like Jack Pallance
And Now We Dance
Never join the ranks
Of the kiss ass suit and tie
Or the stinking hippie,
The future is worth a lie,
Nothing's worth a fuck,
A fuck ain't worth a shit
We're only gonna die,
Here's how we deal with it
And Now We Dance
Like warriors
On the battlefield
Only triumph
In a moment of glory
Crack your head open
And sue somebody
Cop a feel
On a punk rock girl
In bondage pants
And Now We Dance
We dance like warriors
On the battlefield
Only triumph
In a moment of glory
Crack your head open
And sue somebody
Come on and do
One handed push ups
Like Jack Pallance
And Now We Dance

the vandals - anti

You'll never never hear my silence
But that's the price I'll pay
Coz I'm anti-antiseptic
I'm anti-antipasto
I'm anti-anticipation
And I'm anti-antichrist
But I'm pro-prophylactic
I'm pro-propane gas
I'm pro-propaganda
And I'm for-antipathy
The future starts tomorrow
With the children of today
They'll never feel your sorrow
They stand right in your way
So take your brain out
Have it washed,
That's a fact of life
But I don't mean like Blair and Tootie
They'd both make a damn good wife
I'm anti-antidote
I'm anti-antiquate
I'm anti-antifreeze
I'm anti-guitar hero
I'm anti-antimatter
I'm anti-antipersonnel
I'm anti-antonym
I'm anti-Ann Taylor
I'm anti-antibiotic
I'm anti-anticlimax
I'm anti-Andrew Ridgley
I'm anti-anticoagulant
I'm pro-procreation
I'm pro-programmable
I'm pro-prohibition
I'm pro-profanity
I'm anti-antitrust
I'm anti-antiknock
I'm anti-antiknock additive
I'm anti-pro choice
I'm pro-anti choice
I'm pro-propaganda
I'm Proctor & Gamble
I feel any more verses to this song
Would be anti-climatic

the vandals - ape shall never kill ape

Just a grunt in a bind in his homeland
Taking orders from a very very bad man
Just yer average Dieter, Helmut, or a Bertrand
I can waste him 'cause I know I never never shook his hand

Killed by a hero, what are we supposed to do?

just a loser with a girlfriend getting fat and
participation in a very very bad plan
In a nation where the bastards are the unplanned
we can waste it cuz it's such a teeny tiny hand

Killed by procedure, what are we supposed to do

(And Cornelius says)
Ape shall never kill ape
I say wouldn't that be great?
But some apes, they just gotta go
We kill the ones that we don't know

Not a nobody, an actual American
beaten silly by another Jody Foster fan
Spend a fortune to debate the moral conflict and
He's protected through it's obvious he killed a man

Killed by the system, what are we supposed to do?

the vandals - appreciate my honesty

To be a whole lot more like me around you
Please appreciate my honesty

I'm so glad that I can lay around,
Hand in pants without a chance
Of disappointing you
Never listening, or helping except
For a critique or two

Chorus:
Now I've gotten comfortable enough
To be a whole lot more like me around you
Please appreciate my honesty

Appreciate my honesty
I'm so happy that
We've gotten past the lies
If you don't believe me
Start again with any other guy
They'll be nice and really try
But soon like me they'll realize
That it's a lie
Over time I've let myself go
But I'm not going to let you go
Unless you want to go
And pick me up some food
Or something nice

Chorus:
Now I've gotten comfortable enough
To be a whole lot more like me around you
Please appreciate my honesty

Chorus:
Now I've gotten comfortable enough
To be a whole lot more like me around you
Please appreciate my honesty
Appreciate my honesty

the vandals - atrocity

It has occured to me the reason fro my apathy,
you think that I don't give a shit,
it's just the opposite.

Loss of humanity, suffering, and atrocity.
I'm gonna join the fight, lets get this party started right.

Something's always someone's problem,
problems always never seem to end,
sometimes they just have to end.

Front page, people full of rage.
Trapped in their world, like monkeys in a cage.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.
Don't cry, not like you weren't gonna die.
If we all go at once we won't have to say goodbye.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.

I got to get me some weapons grade uranium,
just a couple little things stand between me and my dream.

And when were dead and gone,
no one left to carry on,
who's first the buy the farm?
The list is as long as my arm.

Something's always someone's problem,
problems always never seem to end,
sometimes they just have to end.

Front page, people full of rage.
Trapped in their world, like monkeys in a cage.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.
Don't cry, not like you weren't gonna die.
If we all go at once we won't have to say goodbye.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.

BOOM.

the vandals - she spoke

the vandals - bad birthday bash

House all to myself
it was my birthday present
But total wrack'n'ruin
soon became apparent

I just wanted a band
to play my favorite song
I thought that it would be mellow
but boy was I wrong

I thought they'd played the cowboy song
(I heard it on the radio)
I thought it could be mellow
(but how could I know)

I just wanted a band
to play my favorite song
I thought that it would be mellow
but boy was I wrong

Asked to bring some friends
they walked in with mohawks
As the band began to play
they started to throw rocks

Now I thought that this was cool
til they threw me in the pool
The sofa must of missed me
cause now it sits here with me

I just wanted a band
to play my favorite song
I thought that it would be mellow
but boy was I wrong

I thought they'd played the cowboy song
(I heard it on the radio)
I thought it could be mellow
(but how could I know)

War declared on furniture
still no mercy shown
Anything not nailed
was immediately thrown

Final damage toll
is better left unspoken
By the time they left my house
there was nothing left unbroken

the vandals - be a good robot

Acquiesce is to the plea.
The decree is clear and binding.
It's required that you integrate into the uniform and grand design.
Just go along.
You can't prolong it.
The power it is way too strong.
In the throng you'll stay abide and you'll obey,
while waiting for instructions that your master will convey.

Be a good robot.
It's easier- and if you're not.
There are many ways to punish any strays.
Be a good Ro- Be a good robot.

You think you're immune to the commune's unbridled coaxing pressure.
Pierce your nose. Wear different clothes.
And indicate that you will never be one of them, but that's how they win.
They make you think that you have chose but secretly the master knows.
It's part of the plan they guide your hand.
But you did not decide and unwittingly divide.

Be a good robot.
It's easier- and if you're not.
There are many ways to punish any strays.
Be a good Ro- Be a good robot.

Be a good Ro-Be a good robot.
It's easier- and if you're not.
There are many ways to punish any strays.

You like it, you'll buy it. It has been decided.
By powers greater than average men can comprehend.
Just go along. You can't prolong it.
The power it is way too strong.
Just go along the silence says that you can concur.
They make you sick then sell the cure.

Be a good robot.
It's easier- and if you're not.
There are many ways to punish any strays.

the vandals