Playlist Frank Zappa

frank zappa - sexual harassment in the workplace

instrumental

frank zappa - bobby brown goes down

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp and I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
I'll let her do all the work 'n' maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n' be real rich
Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good job...

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' all across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left my dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream,
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady...I don't know which
I wonder...wonder...wonder...wonder...

So I went out 'n' bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American Dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights saying "Thank you Fred"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm going down

And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm going down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm going down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm going down

I knew you'd be surprised...

frank zappa - the dog breath variations

frank zappa - blessed relief

frank zappa - drowning witch

There's a ship arriving too late
To save a drowning witch
She was swimmin' along
Tryin' to keep a date
With a merchant marine
Who told her he was really rich
But it doesn't matter no more...
She's on the ocean floor
'n the water's all green down there
'n it's not very clean down there
'n water snakes
'n rusty wrecks
Is all that she can see
As the light goes dim
And she's tryin' to swim
Will she make it?
(boy, we sure hope so...)

Not even a witch oughta be caught
On the bottom of america's spew-infested
Waterways, hey-hey...
She could get radiation all over her
She could mutate insanely...
She could mutate insanely... (that's right)
You know she could go on the freeway and grow up
To be 15 feet tall and scary-lookin'
And then...
Cars could crash all over the place
As a result of people with hawaiian shirts on...
Lookin' up to see her face

Sardines in her eyebrows...
Lobsters up 'n down her forehead
All of them horribly large from radiation...
And smelling very bad
And dangerous!

Maybe a submarine could save her,
And bring her home to the navy...
For some kind of ritual sacrifice...

frank zappa - any way the wind blows

Any way the wind blows is-a fine with me
Any way the wind blows, it don't matter to me
'Cause I'm thru with-a fussin' and-a fightin' with-a you
I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true
She makes me oh so happy now, I'm never ever blue
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows

She's my heart and soul and she loves me tenderly
Now my story can't be told just how good she is to me
Yes, she treats me like she loves me and she never makes me cry
I'm gonna stick with her 'till the day I die
She's not like you baby, she would never ever lie
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows

Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
Now that I am free from the troubles of the past
Took me much too long to see that our romance couldn't last
I'm gonna go away and leave you standing at the door
I'll tell you pretty baby I won't be back no more
'Cause you don't even know what love is for
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows

frank zappa - conehead

Conehead...she ain't really dumb
She's just a
Conehead...'tater chip crumbs
All over her face
Is there any more beer
Stashed away at her place? She's just a
Conhead...she can't help herself
"She's a Conehead girl..."
Pitch her a ring
That is the thing
That's getting her hot-uh
A hoop or a ring
Goin' over the top of her Conehead

"She is from a small town in France
'N she's a Conehead kind of a girl, kind
of guy"
That's what she gives me is-uh Oooh!
Conehead
When she's on her knees
The point is so high
I keep sayin' please
Keep it out of my eye, she's a
Conehead
(She's a Conehead kind of a girl, kind of
guy, kind of a girl-thing...)

Saturday Night
You're home alone
The TV lights up
As her dad comes home
He's been workin' all day
At the drivin' school
In a stupid-lookin' hat
That he uses to fool
The people of Earth
Who might get back
If they knew he was really
From Remulak, where the
Conehead...people are from, where the
Conehead...people go to, when the
Conehead...people are done with their
Conehead...things that are fun
Connie the cone
Is dressed real neat
Like a teen-age girl
From down the street

But Mom 'n Dad
They don't approve
Carbohydrates
Is all they groove
Connie's eye
Has a tiny tear
But they rinse it away
With a case of beer

A bag of chips
'N fiberglass
Her diet's a riot
I can't keep quiet
I'd love to try it
But I think I'll pass
To eat that kind of stuff they pack
You'd hafta be from *Remulak*, where the
Conehead...people are from, where the
Conehead...people go to, when the
Conehead...people are done with the
Conehead...things that are fun, where the
Conehead...people are from, where the
Conehead...people go to, when the
Conehead...people are done, with the
Conehead...things that are fun

frank zappa - crew slut

Backstage at the local armory, mary, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as larry (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the p.a. system.

Larry:
Hey hey hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a crew slut
Hey, you'll love it
Be a crew slut
It's a way of life
Be a crew slut
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
Crew slut
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a crew slut
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a crew slut
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a crew slut
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a crew slut
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
Crew slut
Hey, i'll buy you a pizza
Crew slut
Of course i'll introduce you to warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. obviously impressed with larry's ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, mary kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as larry continues to sing...

Larry:
Well you been to alabama, girl,
'n' georgia too
'n' all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself
'this is the way to go'
'cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
`cause you're the crew slut

Mary:
Eh, hah ha, i'm into leather...

Larry:
That's good! a lot of the boys in the crew love leather...

Mary:
And rubber...

Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer...

Road crew chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...

Mary:
Ha ha ha...

Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!

Road crew chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
A present for me?

Road crew chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!

Road crew chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya got?

Road crew chorus:
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?

Road crew chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
It looks just like a telefunken u-47
You'll love it...

Mary:
With leather?

Central scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh...this is,eh, the central scrutinizer again...
And so mary was enticed away from joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of sleazery
With the entire road crew of some
Famous rock group
(i don't know whether it was really toad-o or not
...i don't know... i'll check it out)
Again we see
Music
Causing
Big trouble!

frank zappa - watermelon in easter hay

Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer...joe has just worked himself into an imaginary frenzy during the fade- out of his imaginary song...he begins to feel depressed now. he knows the end is near. he has realized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the imagination of the imaginer...and... ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway...so...so... excuse me...so...who gives a fuck anyway? so he goes back to his ugly little room and quietly dreams his last imaginary guitar solo...

(after the song ends)
This is the central scrutinizer...as you can see, music can get you pretty fucked up...take a tip from joe, do like he did, hock your imaginary guitar and get a good job...joe did, and he's a happy guy now, on the day shift at the utility muffin research kitchen, arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully-charged icing anointment utensil. and every time a nice little muffin comes by on the belt, he poots forth...

And if this doesn't convince you that music causes big trouble...then maybe i should turn off my plastic megaphone and sing the last song on the album in my regular voice...

frank zappa - a very nice body

frank zappa - tracy is a snob

frank zappa - jesus thinks you re a jerk

There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(in the name of the lord)

Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk

Did he really choose tammy to do his work?
Robertson says that he's the one
Oh sure he is,
If armageddon
Is your idea of family fun,
An' he's got some planned for you!
(now, tell me that ain't true)

Now, what if jimbo's slightly gay,
Will pat let jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicated that jim must pay,
(and it just might hurt a bit)
But keep that money rollin' in,
'cause pat and naughty jimbo
Can't get enough of it

Perhaps it's their idea
Of an affirmative action plan
To give white trash a 'special break';
Well, they took those jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank! to the bank! to the bank! to the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their buddy, up above
For sending down his love
(while you all smell the glove)

Jim and pat should take a pole
(right up each saintly glory-hole),
With tar and feathers too --
Just like they'd love to do to you

('cause they think you are bad --
And they are very mad)

'cause some folks don't want prayer in school!

(we'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of micro-publicans, raised on hate,
And 'jimbo-jimbo' when they graduate)

Conviced they are 'the chosen ones' --
And all their parents carry guns,
And hold them cards in the n.r.a.
(with their fingers on the triggers
When they kneel and pray)

With a ku-klux muu-muu
In the back of the truck,
If you ain't born again,
They wanna mess you up, screamin':
"no abortion, no-siree!"
"life's too precious, can't you see!"
(what's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me --
Would they do that...seriously?)

Imagine if you will
A multi-millionaire television evangelist,
Saved from korean combat duty by his father, a u.s. senator

Studied law --
But is not qualified to practice it

Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program

Claims not to be a "faith healer",
But has, in the past,
Dealt stearnly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes

Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in central america
Claiming ronald reagan and oliver north as close friends

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes',
(under investigation for 16 months by the i.r.s.)

Claims to be a man of god;
Currenty seeking the united states presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into --
The twilight zone

What if pat gets in the white house,
And suddenly --
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Mysteriously?

Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an american tragedy?
(especially if he covers it up, sayin'
"jesus told it to me!")

I hope we never see that day,
In the land of the free --
Or someday will we?
Will we?

And if you don't know by now,
The truth of what i'm tellin' you,
Then, surely i have failed somehow --

And jesus will think i'm a jerk, just like you --
If you let those tv preachers
Make a monkey out of you!

I said:
"jesus will think you're a jerk"
And it will be true!

There's an old rugged cross
In the land of cutton --
It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
And it still smells rotten

Jim and tammy!
Oh, baby!
You gotta go!
You really got to go!

frank zappa - cosmik debris

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge
I could reach Nirvana t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said...
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then
when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, little fella
But it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said...
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a guru are you anyway?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste your time...

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!" he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around
I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down... "
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me...)
Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm
SHONTAY

frank zappa - the poodle lecture

Fz:

In the beginning god made 'the light.' shortly thereafter god made three big
Mistakes. the first mistake was called man, the second mistake was called
Wo-man, and the third mistake was the invention of the poodle. now the reason
The poodle was such a big mistake is because god originally wanted to build a
Schnauzer, but he fucked up. now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very
Attractive dog. the poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small
Piquant canine type body. that's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a
Regular looking dog. you know it's true, i guess you do too. (oh, i have to
Kiss you? oh okay.)

Anyway listen, check this out. the poodle used to look good, you know the
Regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
Didn't think anything of it. you know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the
Olden days. but the wo-man, as you know, has always been much smarter than the
Man.

Guy in the audience:

You're the best!

Fz:

That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. now you're interrupting my
Story, now listen . . . what is that? is that the tower of power or what? oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. now listen:

The wo-man has always been much smarter than the man, you know this is true.
And so it was since the beginning of time. the man would do anything to get
Some pussy. and that's why the wo-man always had control over him.

In the beginning the wo-man looked the man directly into the eye and said: "i
Tell you what, why don't you go get a job because i could use a few nice things
Around the house. mainly what i need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers." (thank you very much.)

And of course the man did his duty as they say in the trade. he went out and he
Got a goddamn job. went out and pushed that broom around for about a
Dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of eden and gave that
Money to the wo-man.

The wo-man ran out the back door of the garden of eden, went directly to the
Hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted
Tweezers and came back and, while the man was very tired from having his job,
While he was sleeping, the wo-man got a hold of the poodle. because the wo-man
Had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral
Appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very
Much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. it
Didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.

And so the wo-man sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. let me get a little
Uh, visual aid . . .

Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. you see, she took a
Little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies.
Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call
Burbank. then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his
Mouth set up like that. and squatted right on him. looking down into the dog's
Eyes. she looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the
Dog? she said:

frank zappa - cletus awreetus awrightus

La la-da-la-la-la la-da-la la la-la
(La la la-la-la-la-la la la-la la-la-la la-la-la-la
La-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la)

Teeh tee-tee-tee-tee-teeh tee-tee-teeh yah-ho!
(Pom-pom pom-pom-po-po-pom pom
Po-po-po pom-pom bro-po-po-po-pom
A-rum-pa-pom-pom a-rum-pa-pom-pom
A-rum-pa-pom-pom)
La la la la la la la la la la la la rum-pam!
Rat-ta-da da-dah!

frank zappa