Playlist Epic Rap Battles Of History

epic rap battles of history - billy mays vs ben franklin

I'm big ben franklin and this shan't be pretty
Let me instruct you how we battle in the city of philly
You couldn't sell rick james a bag of crack, you're out of practice
My victory more certain than death or taxes
Fact is you're a hack, wack qvc joke
You peddle soap that cleans bird shit from my windows
I'll craft a lyrical coffin and then spit the nails in
Call me arthur miller son, cause it's death of a salesman

Hi billy mays here with a special tv offer
Watch me crush this bald fat foppish founding father
I'll take my awesome auger and sow your quaker oats
I'll shoot your rhymes down like a regiment of red coats
I'm lord of the pitch and leader in home sales
You're just a lumpy pumpkin who invented the mail
Benny's got kite'n key but you're in for a shock
When I strike you with bolts from my lightning rod cock

Stop I protest these intolerable raps
It takes just one easy payment for me to whoop your ass
Cause I'm mint I'm money I'm an educated gentleman
So join or die bill cause it's all about the benjamin

But wait there's more!

You following me camera guy? cause it's about to get furious
You're gonna love my nuts until you're bi-focal-curious
Your boy george chopped down trees you couldn't break a piece of balsa
Slap chop your face make a double chin salsa
Your style's so broke they call you poor richard
It's bad enough I got to see you every time I tip a stripper
Vince against a founding father is just too bad
Cause after this america is gonna lose a dad

epic rap battles of history - cleopatra vs marilyn monroe

Whose rap flow's the dopest?
Marilyn monroe's is
Overthrow pharaohs
Who oppose me like moses

You could never kick my ass
So kiss my clitoris
This ugly hag and Kassemg
Got maching noses

You betta hold more
Than your skirt miss please
I'm the queen of the nile
So just bow down to me

Plus you got so much experience
Down on your knees
Married a writer
But I don't even think, y
U can read

You'll sleep with any ugly dude
Who says he likes it hot
Even Joe Dimaggio
Took a swing, in your batters box

I'm a descendant of the gods
Don't anger me trick
You'll lose this battle
Like your bout with barbiturates

I had some ugly boys
But you're forgetting the others
Marlon Brando and the kennedys
While you fucked your own brothers

You think you so chic
Up in your fancy palace
Getting' Lo on Marc Antony
Tossing Caesar's salad

You wear too much eye liner
For anyone to adore you
You might as well be working
The door at Sephora

I got an ass that won't quit
You had an asp and got bit
On the tit
Somebody wrap this bitch
Back up in a carpet

You still got no children
After your third marriage
You lost so many babies
We should call you Miss Carriage

You got an hourglass figure
But that's about it
I candle in the wind
That can't act for shit

Translate this into hieroglyphs
Your sandy vagina
Has a Seven Year Itch

My best friends are diamonds
You can't beat me
Quit trippin'
Step off and walk your ass home
Like an Egyptian

epic rap battles of history - columbus vs captain kirk

Arrivederci
I'mma leave before this battle begins

Cause we both know in the end which of these captains
gonna win

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation
I'll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the next generation
So bring it on
I'll whip you like a klingon
My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of khan
I've got a neck chop for spock I'll put my sword through sulu
Check into a priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on hulu

I'm the enterprising captain james tiberius kirk
Representing riverside iowa, planet earth
I hear you call yourself an explorer
But I'm just not having it
You discovered a new world that was already inhabited
Why don't you boldly go someplace
you've never gone before like india
Or any destination you actually set sail for
You spaghetti eating fuck
How's your spice rack doing?
I'll be chilling in my spaceship
Have fun canoeing

You know rapping against you it's not even fun
It's like somebody set your brains on stun
I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain
I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for spain!

Mr. spock beam me back to 1492 so
I can beat this man like it's my job
We'll see how isabella likes my captain's log
It's kobayashi for you, there's no way you could win
When your weak crew sees me approaching
They'll be like, dammit it's jim
I'll double-fist-punch you, you slave making bitch!
Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge

epic rap battles of history - einstein vs stephen hawking

Albert Einstein:

When I apply my battle theory
Minds are relatively blown
So take a seat Steve
Oop, I see you brought your own
What's with your voice?
I can't frickin tell
You sound like WALL-E
Having sex with a Speak & Spell
I'll school you anywhere
MIT to Oxford
All your fans will be like
"Um, that was Hawk-ward"
I'm as dope as two rappers
You better be scared
Cause that means Albert E
Equals M C squared (E=Mc²)

Stephen Hawking:

You've got no idea
What you're messing with here boy
I got twelve inch rims on my chair that's how roll y'all
You look like someone glued
A mustache on a troll doll
I'll be stretching out the rhyme
Like gravity stretches time
When you try to put your little p-brane
Against this kind of mind
I'm the best
I'm the Snoop Dog of science
I'll be dropping mad apples on your head
From the shoulders of giants

Albert Einstein:

I'm the giant whose shoulders
You'd have stood on
If you could stand
I'll give you a brief history of pain
With the back of my hand
You can't destroy matter or me
For serious, ripping hole in you
Bigger than the hole
In your black hole theory was

Stephen Hawking:

There are ten mile mile mile mile
Mile mile mile mile mile
Particles in the universe
That we can observe
Your mama took the ugly ones
And put them into one nerd
You wanna bring the heat
With the mushroom clouds you're making
I'm about to bake raps from scratch
Like Carl Sagan
And while it's true
That my work is based on you
I'm a super computer
You're like a TI-82

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE

epic rap battles of history - gandalf vs dumbledore

Gandalf:
You show not pass!
I rap fast like shadowfax
Tom riddle me this you bitch
Howâ??s your little wand
Going to beat my staff?
I leave mics in flames torched by gandalf touch mine, dumbledore and scorch your other hand off
You fool, you got snaped
Youâ??re not a real fighter
Death makes you die
It just make my brights brighter
You ass is like gringotts
Everyone makes a deposit
We all know youâ??ve more thana boggart in your closet

Dumbledore:
The prophecy fogot to mention this day
When I knocked your ass back to gandolf the grey
Check your status
They call me headmaster
Youâ??re nothing
Nice staff
You compensating for something?
I prefer the company of wizards and Iâ??m proud of it
You try to win your battles with two fat hobbits
You think your hairy toed friends are gonna harm me?
Wait a minute theyâ??ll taste the dumbledoreâ??s army.

Gandalf:
Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks
I donâ??t give a fawkes about your order of phoenix
Iâ??ll tie a new knot in your beard with your wrinkly balls
For I am the one rapper to rule them all

Dumbledore:
Your spells are a joke
Not funny ones either
Mines of moria?
Ha
More like mind of mencia
Iâ??ll expecto my patronum on your face you little snitch
And when Iâ??m finished
Imma fly like a quidditch

epic rap battles of history - genghis khan vs the easter bunny

How you gonna battle
I invented hip hoppin
My little tail swinging and my big ears flopping
The easter bunny baby
I deserve to be arrogant
You ugly
Rapist
Pelt wearing barbarian
Uuuu, what you gonna do?
You've got a bucket on your head and a fu manchu!
The great wall couldn't keep you out of china
Watch me rub my foot for luck and stick it right up your vagina

Ha, ha, ha, come on!
Your bunny ass about to feel the wrath of kahn
Silly rabbit
You'll need more than luck
You've got two giant ears
But can't hear that you suck
I drive a mongol hoard
Your army is weak
What?
You going to attack me with a posse of peeps?
I'll bite off your tail and punch your teeth down your throat
Then butcher your family
And make a new coat

Take it easy baby
No need for this meanness
We should keep it peaceful
Homeboy
Jesus
I give people candy
You just like to pillage
Why don't you get out of my face
And go back to your village

From poland to korea
I ravaged the land
Now my d.n.a's in dudes
From new york to japan
Hah!
Easter my ass
You're not in the bible
You're a fluffy bitch mascot for hallmark in denial

epic rap battles of history - justin bieber vs beethoven

[Intro]
Epic Rap Battles Of History
Justin Bieber Vs Ludwig Van Beethoven
Begin

[Justin Drew Bieber - Alex Farnham]

Look what the cat dragged back from the dead
Man it looks like Chewbacca wiped his ass on your head
Iâ??m the next the next Michael Jackson,
You smell like Bette White, hereâ??s some aspirin
Youâ??re catching Bieber fever tonight
Because my voice is incredible
And your music is terrible
Who even listens to Classical anyway?
Even Elise wants to do me
And now that youâ??re right next to me
I can understand why they used a dog
To play you in the movies

[Ludwig Van Beethoven - Nice Peter]

Sit down, son
And let me give you a music lesson
Ask Bach,
I got more cock than Smith and Wesson
Never say Never?
Youâ??ll never be forgetting
Iâ??ve crafted masterpieces
That will last throughout the ages
Your music gets you bitche on your Facebook pages
Iâ??m committing verbal murder in the major third degree
My name is Beethoven, motherfucker
Maybe youâ??ve heard of me
Not the Saint Bernard Version
Iâ??m the real O.G.
You wanna trade blows?
You canâ??t even hit puberty!

[Justin Drew Bieber - Alex Farnham]
I got Kim Kardashian in my bed backstage
Whenâ??s the last time your music got anybody laid?
Iâ??ve got a concert in five, so thereâ??s not much time left
(heh heh heh)
What else can I say?
Your own music made you deaf

[Ludwig Van Beethoven - Nice Peter]
I would smack you but in Germany we donâ??t hit little girls
And Iâ??m glad Iâ??m deaf
So I canâ??t hear that piece of shit
â??My Worldâ?
Thereâ??s a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies
You wanna be a little white Usher?
Here, show them their seats

[Voice Over]
Who won?
Whoâ??s Next?

You decide?

Epic Rap Battles

epic rap battles of history - mario bros vs wright bros

We're the wright brothers and there can't be no other
We don't wanna cause trouble
Are you looking for your lover?
Cause your princess is in our castle now
Yeah she's gone
We stayed up all night playing donkey kong
Before us people only used to fly in balloons
You think we're scared of two idiots addicted to shrooms?
You shoulda would coulda come to lose an extra life
So just dudda dudda dudda
Back down in your pipe

Itsa me mario
And luigi motha...
Why don't you's get back in your biplane
And make out with each other?
Look at these two
Their lives must have been horrible
Two dorky dudes
Named wilbur and orville
You spent all your time on one machine?
Sheesh
If you wanted to fly
You shoulda just eaten this leaf
You should eat something anyway
Look at you so skinny!
You might fly like a hawk
But you like a kitty

We don't need to fight
We're the fathers of flight
Representing north carolina
Aiiiiight
We'll be pressing all your buttons
Like we're the controller
Conquer every level of your 2d scroller
You talk a lot of trash but let me tell you something
We're gonna beat you so fat
It's like we're holding down the b button

We're serving up an 8-bit fist
Made to order
That'll knock you off the back
Of your own stupid quarters
Like pow
How you like me now?
Spit flames out our months
Like our name was bowser
You'll get pummeled
You'll wish you never stumbled
Out your little wind tunnel
We've been dropping ba-bombs
Since we started this song
Sorry wright brothers
This time you chose wrong

epic rap battles of history - master chief vs leonidas

Spartans! ho
Let's start this! ho
Show this petty officer who's the hardest! ho
The biggest mistake that you've ever made
I'll toss you like a frag grenade
I'll stomp you in the face
With my sandals enraged
And tonight we shall rhyme in the shade
Your puny fans are fat nerds on computers
Jerking off to games gives themselves first person shooters
Your armor's hard but my abs are harder
You're in my hood now chief
This is sparta!

Not, so, fast
Cortana says you're greek.
So why don't you stick these lyrics up your ass?
They built a monument to my sins
You're the soldier they need you to be
Ain't no way that you can beat me
Even my initials spell mc
While you and your companions
were all camping in a canyon
Took a campaign to your house
and showed your queen my plasma cannon
They should've thrown your rhymes over the cliff because
they're sickly
You will not enjoy this
But it will be over quickly

Ha! I've had better battles with my 6-year old son
I don't need firepower when I'm rocking these guns
I'm king!
You sleep in a freezer in outer space
I'd look you in the eyes
but you're too much of a bitch to show your face!

You got a bad case of no shirt there fabio flintstone
Your whole plan got messed up
by a hunchback with down syndrome!
300 asses need a kickin'
Get more tea bags than lipton
So why don't you quit your bitchin'?
My trigger finger's itching

epic rap battles of history - donald trump vs hillary clinton

[Hillary Clinton]
I've been in this game too long
I'm a public servant
Have been since I met Mlk in person
I'm a woman of the people
That's for certain
You're a man of the people
Who don't like turbans

I was living in the West Wing
While you were professional wrestling
You got skin like Russian dressing
From too much Russian investing

You been going bankrupt since the 90's
If I was Iran you couldn't find me
You don't care about the job, Trump
You just think the desk is shiny

I said that I respect your children
But that wasn't quite right, yo
Looking like some extras from American Psycho

First name is Hillary, Middle name Rodham
Last name is Clinton and lyrics I got 'em
You fire celebrities on The Apprentice
mutha fucka, I fire Bin Laden

How do I say this?
You're racist
Ohh, You must get so pissed
That your hands are too small
To stop and frisk

So you use your fingers to touch chicks
She's only 12 years old
That's enough, shit
But She's married sir
Just gotta get pushy
That's your daughter
Well, grab her by the pussy

That's assault, brotha
Don't tell me the victim's at fault, sucka
You don't know shit about steaks, yucka
But the ones on the 8th are great
Mutha fucka

Better save the date
I'm gonna rock the vote
Bad bitch on the scene
Like Murder She Wrote
So go ahead Donald let me see you flow
I brought Michelle's speech
Borrow some quotes

[Donald Trump]
Let me just say
I respect all females
But your rhymes are trash
Put 'em next to your emails

Our country's in crisis
Who wants to vote for the mother of Isis?
That might not be exactly true
But I don't do politeness

You wanna talk about misogyny
Your Bill's worse than Cosby
He left a mess on that dress
Like you left in Benghazi

You wanna break the glass ceiling
Hillary I sense it
But the only crack you'll find
Is my ass pressed agaisnt it

The numbers are in and I'm right on your tail
You don't have the stamina baby, you're frail
This will be just like '08 when you fail
But Trump will appoint you to jail

How do I say this?
You're a 2
And you almost lost the primary to a socialist Jew
What do the American people
Gotta yankee doodle do
To get it throught your fat face
That they're just not that into you

They want a strong male leader
Who can stand up to China
Not a crooked little wishy washy bleeding heart vagina
I'm gonna run these streets like I run my Casinos
More police and less latinos

While you bry us in debt buying poor people socks
I'll create job stearing down mosques
Then I'll use all the best rocks
from the site to build a wall

Dip it in gold and make Mexico pay for it all
I'll make this country great again
We'll all be living large
I'll tell Congress you're fired
and put Charles in charge

Cause this whole system's rigged
and we all know the riggers for the last 8 years
This country's been run by

[Abraham Lincoln]
Agh!
Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah
I've half a mind to feed you both
to my oversized

I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in Tmz
You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed

I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit
If this is the best my party gets
Then my party should quit

(Ja) I'm sorry
Did I say something that you found funny?
Wipe that creepy ass smile off your face
and beat this dummy

And if she does win the White House
Be a man and hold the door
Don't get your fans stirred up
in some sorta Twitter civil war

Here's an equal opportunity
Smack down in the sequel
That's of the people, by the people, for the people
Eagle

epic rap battles of history - george washington vs william wallace

George Washington
There's a difference between you and me, Willy
I fought 'till I was actually Free, Willy
I got my face on a quarter
You got drawn and quartered
Tortured on the orders of a king, really?
How'd you get beat by a dude named Longshanks?
You hot dogged and he cut off your bean franks
I'm money like a national bank
Ain't nobody more street than Big G
Stone face with a grill of sheep teeth
A Mel Gibson movie is your legacy
I got a state and a day and a D. C
(Stroke!) Roll up in a boat
(Stroke!) You're sleeping, cut your throat
(Stroke!) I'll watch the blood flow, now who's got that Redcoat?

William Wallace
Look at you in your little blousy outfit
Looking like a stiffer white dick than your monument
I'll knock you the fuck out, mate
You died owning slaves, I died setting men free (Scot free!)
That's the highland way, this powdered prick couldn't beat me in a foot race
I was emasculated, eviscerated
I had my head chopped off and they put it on a pike
But I still find time to bust a Gaelic rhyme
I'll rip your Yankee Doodle arse on the mic!
I'll knock your face off your moolah, Alba gu bràth! (Gu bràth!) Hoo-ra! (Hoo-ra!)
Founding Father, but no children
Crossed the Delaware but your soldiers couldn't swim
That's Washington, such a shite tactician
The fucking British Army didn't even want him
I'm Wallace! And I'm flawless!
Stay hidden in your office or suffer great losses!
I pop my kilt, strap my sword in my hilt, step on the battlefield and I'm ready to kill!
Send all your politicians straight down to hell!
The only Washington I trust Denzel!

George Washington
Is that the best you got for me?
I'll chop down an emcee like a cherry tree!
See, power! That's what the meaning of my flag is!
Your nation's famous for golf and haggis!
I'm fabulous from my head to my shoebuckle!
Step to me, and catch a knee to the mooseknuckle!
Cause I know you don't wear no draws
I'm dressed like a pimp, best moves in at the ball
Mcglavin, Mcgliven, Mcschool you all
Cock block more Scots than Hadrian's Wall!

William Wallace
I don't give a shite about your fancy clothes!
You whipped all those out of slave black folks
Grew weed and you made hemp rope
But if you think you'll beat me, you must be having a smoke!
No joke! Don't tee off with me, laddie!
If you held my balls, you couldn't be my caddie!
My style's ice cold, yours is old and shabby
You're the Father of Your Country, but I'm your daddy

epic rap battles of history - ghostbusters vs mythbusters

Ghostbusters
Are you tired of two geeks in mustaches
Who can manage to be boring
with explosions and crashes?
If you, or the lorax, wanna bust like we do
Give us a call, we're ready to defeat you
Ghostbusters, flow crushers, get the job done
Spitting out the lyrics like, 'we got one! '
Get the people moving like the statue of liberty
Try to beat us in a battle? (man, you gotta be kidding me)
The delivery of stantz stands straight
like my main man's slinky
I collect spores (tell 'em 'bout the twinkie)
Like your show, it's all fluff and filler
I'll kick your hiney man, I'm a savage killer

Mythbusters
Wow, your raps are just too wack to handle
Let's do it like we do on the discovery channel
Your science is preposterous
the opposite of competent process
And in this episode, we'll give you a synopsis
Starting with the vacuum cleaners
strapped up on your back
It's a fact, positrons don't react like that
You built a laser grid with no safety switch
And walter peck was right, that's some shady shit
Good thing you work in a firehouse
cause you just got burned
You are poor scientists, and that's confirmed

Ghostbusters
That's enough from the walrus and dickless the clown
Let's show these mythbitches how we do it downtown
Grab your stick (holdin'), heat em up (smokin')
High speed shows your ass get beat in slow motion
We roast show hosts when our flows cross streams
Pumping out blockbusters
while you work behind the scenes
It's a rap test dummy, and you're both getting crashed
We came, we saw, we kicked your ass

Mythbusters
Ghosts aren't real, but it should be said
It's time to bring the b-team back from the dead
(Hey!) things are getting scary, when tory, grant and kari
Come harder than ray when that ghost popped his cherry
We reject your flows, and substitute our own
Uhhmm
Why'd you stop? I couldn't think of a rhyme
Well just say the first thing that pops into your mind

Stay puft marshmallow man
Aww... Aww
Yo, raise up, it's stay puft, I stay fluff
Blaze chumps and flip kari butter-side up (hey!)
I'mma smother ghostbusters in fluffernutter, I don't play
Show these dweebs how to rock a beret (hey)
I live so large you can't harsh my mellow
Just one step took me out the ghetto
You best be afraid of my marshmallow flows
Cause big puft just turned all you bitches to toast

epic rap battles of history - jack the ripper vs hannibal lecter

Jack the ripper
Oi mate, pass the liquor, it's jack the ripper
Jack the rapper, following you way
Before the dawn of twitter
I'm a human trigger warning, through the night
Until the morning
When the light shines upon my crimes
You find it sick, appalling
An infamous, notorious delinquent
There's little more gory a thing
Than living in victorian england
This is horrorcore, beware if you're a common whore
Or at late night you may find me knocking on your door
Not keen to leave until I'm knee deep in blood and gore
Your grieving family on their knees, weeping
Scrubbing floors
The police need a lead, they dunno what they're looking for
My raps are like the way I eat my meat, bloody raw

Hannibal lecter
Jack, you're a classic megalomaniac
You haven't mentioned me once in your entire battle rap
Pity your verse wasn't worth a trip in the jacket
Quit jacking off on the track and put the lotion in the basket
And catch what the iller serial killer can deliver
Rhymes finer than the chianti I would pair with your liver
But the thought of your putrid flesh
Makes me want to shiver
Cause your british body's covered in more
Piss than kitty litter
You stabbed women when they wouldn't give you attention
Like a penny dreadful version of oj simpson
But these days your nickname is all that's even known
And you didn't even come up with that shit on your own

Jack the ripper
I'm real! you'll find me making vacancies in brothels
While you only exist inside the pages of a novel
You were kept for ages in a hovel
Contained within a cage behind a locked door
While I never got caught
So who's the superior serial killer, doctor lecter?
I'm still wanted, you're forgotten
People these days are watching dexter
So god protect ya from the hell I've spread upon us
I'm terrorizing london, fuck the 7 7 bombers!

Hannibal lecter
No, no, jack you were doing fine
Before your ham-fisted attempt at a terrorist line
How typical of jack the ripper to chase a headline
Pick ray liotta's brain and ask him how I get mine
I'm the bon vivant of violence, a licensed psychiatrist
Who dines on highest society to the sound of violins
Don't get me wrong, I'd roast both your balls on my hibachi
But for a serial killer, you're as tasteless as a bowl of kashi
You prey on a prostitute and play with her body
I don't mind that you're naughty jack
I hate that you're sloppy
Barney, take me back to solitary confinement
Cause this dirty little lamb has just been silenced

epic rap battles of history - miley cyrus vs joan of arc

(Miley Cyrus)
Let me guess
You're here to hate
Well you can stand
In the autograph line and wait

Cause I'm all twerk
I got all day
To spit harsh words
In this French maid's face

You died a Virgin girl
Who you think you think you're messin' with?
It's Miley Cyrus
I'm the hottest thing since Britney
Bitch!

I'm getting lifted on that molly
Get that party turned up
You're getting lifted on a stake
Get that body burned up

Had enough? It's my habit
When I grab the mic I milk it
You can this rap it's like my alter ego
Cause I killed it

(Joan Of Arc)
Lord
Forgive me for the words I speak
I know the voices of the angels
Tell me turn the other cheek

But I'm about to rip Hannah Montana's
Tongue out through her teeth
Je suis la fille on feu
Call me Katniss Everdeen

When it comes to bad bitches
I'm the patron saint
But I only get down on my knees
When it's time to pray

I cam to Frenchmen's aid
In their time of need
Cause I'm the Maid of Orleans
You're the Mardi Gras beads honey

My father taught me things
Your daddy couldn't teach ya
Your highest calling
Was a text from Wiz Khalifa

You gotta die for something Miley
Just picture your epitaph
Had the world watching
Chose to show them all her flat ass

(Miley Cyrus)
Sweet burn
No pun intended
You're a cross-dressing peasant
Betrayed by those you defended

But when I come
Underfire I can #handle it
If God's in your corner
Girl you need better management

(Joan Of Arc)
Do not take the Lord's name in vain
You ratchet skank
Your manager's riding you
To the achy breaky bank

Be thankful for your talent
Don't just rub it on your crotch
Keep your party in the Usa
Vive la France

epic rap battles of history - steven spielberg vs alfred hitchcock

Steven Spielberg
Picture a child sitting next to a projector
Learning from your films to become a much better director
Now picture a 3 billion dollar dream machine
Who can block bust all over your crop duster scene!
Try to Duel with me Alfred, ya must be Psycho
I'll bring back Jaws and take a bite of your Lifeboat
I'm Always so on the top of my game, I get the Vertigo
My jet's in the Terminal, waiting for me to Murder! ya
I rocked the Academy and the Dga
You rock as many Oscars as that schlep Michael Bay
Next time you're filling up those jowls
with three steaks and soufflé
Check the trade, see me Amblin to my next big play
I produce cartoons and made games for all ages
You produce Jimmy Stewart making one of two faces
Maybe next time I visit, you'll be a bit more gracious
Now kiss my full moon and just bask in my greatness!

Alfred Hitchcock
That was a Close Encounter of the Turd Kind
But there won't be a pretty ending this time
Half your billions should go to John Williams
Now brace yourself as I reveal my brilliance
I'm the master, of suspense, so intense
No defense against Hitchcock once he presents
My skill is enormous, orchestrate brilliant performance
You're more horrible
than Megan Fox's acting in Transformers
Come on, fish puppets and Muppets to stir the fears up
I squeezed screams out of chocolate syrup
I'm the best mamma-jamma ever stood behind the camera
Damage panderers and haunt you like the last Indiana

Quentin Tarantino
Cut! Gimmie a Tylenol, stop rhyming, y'all
Alfred, you got no style dawg, I'm the king of dialogue
There's only one movie I know you from
And I've seen more blood in the shower
when I stubbed my toe in one
You tried to fight in World War One but couldn't do that
The British Army wouldn't let you join
cause you were too fat
Look it up, it's a true fact, Wikipedia that
Now allow me to attack Steven the hack
Due to War of the Worlds a failure's what I label you
It looked like some sell-out bullshit Michael Bay would do
Ask anybody "What's your favorite Sam Jackson part? "
No one's gonna say "What's his name, from Jurassic Park? "
Scripts that I write ain't the... Cleanest (Fuck!)
But when I grip mics I'm the... Meanest (Dick!)
Quentin Tarantino is a... Genius
A bad motherfucker from the wallet to the penis

Stanley Kubrick
Genius is a powerful word, but there's no reason to use it
'Less you're talking about the Kubrick
Then there's really nothing to it
Every thing I do is visionary
Every single frame a painting
made exactly how I wanna make it
Do another take and get it right, 127 times
I'll make you learn to love me
I'm the bomb, drop ultra-violent rhymes
Like Clockwork, make you all hurt
beat Spielberg the Color Purple
A. I. is the worst waste of potential since the Ninja Turtles

Michael Bay
That's enough, I've heard enough crap from all of you
Why don't I come down there and show you
what a real star can do?
I swoop low with the telephoto, no Bruckheimer, I work solo
If there's one thing I've learned, bitch
this game is about motherfucking money
I make that dollar, y'all, motherfucking money
Even make Mark Wahlberg
make some motherfucking money
I set up shop and got a few drops of that Got Milk money
Rose to The Rock, now I got that socks made of silk money
I ain't got that guilt money, I don't give a fuck
I take my checks to the bank and I sign 'em with my nuts
I give the people what they love
while the critics say I'm evil
Got no time to read reviews
while I'm working on the sequel
Got a gift from above, and the eyes of an eagle
When it comes to blowing up, no director is my equal

epic rap battles of history