monster in me

From Ashes To New

Look
To you, I m different
It s cause I refuse to listen
To all the stupid shit that you include in your opinions

I got enough issues trying to be a human
Living in a ruined system
while I m running from a crucifixion
You ll never get it
I put myself in this position
And nothing you could do could ever worsen my condition

So while you tryna play the villain
Understand that I m the monster in my blood
Looking for a way to spill it
I can t wait till you see what I make

When I paint the walls red with a gun to my brain
And I can t wait to see the look on your face
When I lay in my own grave, I was never afraid to die
Nah, I m playing, I d never follow through
And I m never gon do what you want me to

I m staying
My mind s racing
You think it s cause of you
But my thoughts are like a room
You ain t even in my basement
A day passes, I don t ask myself who am I
And I have a habit of imagining my suicide

The thoughts I m having got me battling my stupid mind
Why does every situation have to be a do or die?
Have to be a foolish lie?
Something that I used to tell myself
that always seems to make me lose my cool inside
Makes me think I m cool with dying
But really all I wanna do is spit the truth
And watch my dreams and points of view align

I think there s something wrong inside my head
I m getting anxious
I ve lost all hope I had of staying calm
I cannot stand this
So bite your tongue and walk away because I need a minute
I feel the blood run through my veins and there s a
Monster in it

You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster in my blood
You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster I become

My mind s a prison
Confinement living
The lights are dimmed and no one tries to visit
Time is ticking
To find the missing
Keys to the cell I m in or die within it
I wish I had a minute, I would make amends
With the demons that are moving in my vacant head
Maybe I d convince em we d be great as friends
Maybe then they would listen, it s you we hate instead
I could take my meds or I could pray it ends
Or make a deal with the devil, maybe pay him rent
My only other choice is fill my brain with lead
Or keep on living with the voices till the day I m dead
Now you know that I m the only person that can dig my grave
But didn t pay attention cause I went and did it yesterday
It s got me thinking that there s gotta be a better way
I ll start by laying you to sleep
and tuck you in the bed I made
You ll never get the best of me
I ll bury you with all my skeletons
that always had a negative effect on me
You won t ever get away
I never hesitate
I ll close the lid and fill the hole
then throw a rose and celebrate

I think there s something wrong inside my head
I m getting anxious
I ve lost all hope I had of staying calm
I cannot stand this
So bite your tongue and walk away because I need a minute
I feel the blood run through my veins and there s a
Monster in it

You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster in my blood
You don t wanna see the monster
You don t wanna see the monster I become